Caregivers of Loved Ones with Alzheimer’s and Other Dementias Need Support

| 10 Minute Read
Written by: Ann Wheat, Executive Director of Duet

Making peace with the ‘good enough’

When a loved one has Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, we mourn the profound loss of our loved one, yet there’s no public ceremony to mark emotional voids. “Society” does not typically acknowledge this grief and family caregivers are often left to lament alone.

In her book, “Loving Someone Who Has Dementia,” Dr. Pauline Boss, PhD, addresses this very issue. She has coined the term “ambiguous loss” to describe the sensation of when your loved one is physically present, yet psychologically absent. To manage the experience, she suggests “both/and” thinking.

Dr. Boss encourages us to practice carrying contradicting thoughts, simultaneously. We must reconcile that our loved one is both here and not here, and make peace with the good enough relationship we have. While we bemoan the loss of our give-and-take relationship, we can embrace the moments we are together, just sitting on the couch in the family room, or standing at the kitchen counter, or riding in the car.

We promote Dr. Boss’s concepts in our free video discussion series, Finding Meaning and Hope and consistent feedback proves the efficacy of her groundbreaking outlook. Ninety seven percent of caregivers say this program reduced their stress, helping to keep them from becoming dementia’s second casualty.

Meaning and hope can be restored

Many of us at Duet have experienced caregiving and dementia in our own lives. My sister, a brilliant landscape architect, was diagnosed on her fiftieth birthday with a rare form of dementia. By the time she died, our father had been diagnosed with Lewy body dementia, and shortly after, our mother developed Alzheimer’s.

Many times our family’s 15-year journey with dementia brought my siblings and me to our knees. Dr. Boss never minimizes how excruciating our circumstances are. Rather, she challenges us to view the experience through a different lens, and provides the tools to restore meaning and hope in our lives.

It’s universal to grapple with guilt and grief. Dr. Boss lays out guideposts for us to manage these paralyzing emotions. Rather than duel with guilt, we can normalize it. And we can acknowledge our grief, while dwelling on gratitude.

We wonder if we can make it yet another day. Yet we do.

Commiserating with others who “get it” in these discussion groups, we establish camaraderie. We do not have to stand alone, together. We can stand together. Dr. Boss calls this a psychological family – a family of our heart and mind that has our backs as we share the journey.

Duet’s Meaning & Hope Institute is here to partner with you along your journey, helping you allow a little sunshine to break through.

Learn more about the Finding Meaning and Hope video discussion series.

fmhv-footer-b fmhv-footer-top-b
Dr Pauline Boss

Meet the Expert

Meet Dr. Pauline Boss

| 18 Minute Read
The work of the Meaning & Hope Institute is based on the pioneering work of Pauline Boss, Ph.D., and her groundbreaking book for family caregivers, Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping With Stress and Grief
Read More

Meet the Expert

Meet Dr. Robert Waldinger

| 10 Minute Read
Robert Waldinger, M.D., Harvard professor and psychiatrist, leads the renowned Harvard Study of Adult Development, tracking lives for over 80 years to understand the long-term impact of childhood experiences on health and wellbeing. Author of "The Good Life," he shares insights on healthy human development and directs the Lifespan Research Foundation, bridging research with public understanding.
Read More

Meet the Expert

Meet Dr. Aaron Blight

| 11 Minute Read
Aaron Blight, Ed.D., is an international speaker and consultant on caregiving, aging, and healthcare. He is the Founder of Caregiving Kinetics and has been recognized as a “Top 100 Healthcare Leader” by the International Forum on Advancements in Healthcare. Dr. Blight works with providers that serve aging and disabled populations to deliver workforce consulting, training for front-line caregivers, focus group research, and leadership advisory services.
Read More


Developing Resilience as a Family Caregiver

| 5 Minute Read
Based on the work of Dr. Aaron Blight and used with permission. Resilience is a remarkable trait that enables caregivers to adapt and persevere through challenging circumstances. These unsung heroes continue to provide care and support to their loved ones, even when the path ahead seems daunting. But what lies behind the development of caregiver […]
Read More